Jaron and I are in the process of recording an album, as you may have seen, and as it’s a different project than the music we play with our band, we’re left with the task of finding a new name under which to release it.  Not our favorite task.  There’s so much in a name – intended meaning, understood meaning, aesthetics, originality (not just desirable, but required by law).  Practically speaking we’d like it to be decently easy to remember.  But most of all we want it to feel like “us”.

There are few things more valuable than having the freedom and the ability to feel like yourself, or at least the version of yourself that you want to be.  For me it’s the feeling of a v-neck t-shirt that fits perfectly.  Or driving a little too fast with the windows down and The Con playing a little too loudly.  Or the feeling that I was able to say a lot with just a few words.  For Jaron I imagine it’s listening back to the layers of guitars he and Andy are building on these songs.  Or laughing with his brother at something only they seem to understand.  Moments when there is no striving and no questions; all is well between yourself and the world.

On days I feel too fat, I find myself with the inclination to take another shower.  As if it would wash the fat off.  Wash away the part doesn’t belong, that isn’t “me”.  I long for the day when I am not at battle with my body, with the image of myself that it carries around.  I long for the day beauty and terror are not bestowed by the same ocean, healing and sickness by the same chemical.  I long for the Earth and its inhabitants to stop rebelling against each other.  But sometimes I realize I have become comfortable, even come to prefer the imperfect world.  The imperfect relationships.  The freedom to mistreat people, to be selfish and even to imagine I am above others.  A far cry from the person I’m meant to be.    But even when my heart fails me in who I wish to be, it stays true in how I wish to be known.  It’s easy to get carried away with this task of naming ourselves, to see it as an opportunity to be perceived more brilliantly than we necessarily are.

Fortunately for our sanity’s sake, we only have about a week to decide.  So maybe this side of Heaven we’ll settle for something that doesn’t get us sued or make make too many of our family members furrow their brows.

And here’s a piece from an awesome artist who is working on our album artwork – we’re so excited to be working with Hollie Chastain.

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